The Truth Helps

By Dan Bauer
(with permission to re-print from Dakota Hockey Magazine)

Finding the truth can be a daunting task these days. Spend five minutes watching any political talk show and you will be presented with facts, figures and quotes to support both sides of any argument from WMD's to the budget deficit to inflated gas prices. Those who struggle with the truth are everywhere. From the baseball steroid scandal to Enron to "I did not have sexual relations with that woman" to the Minnesota Viking's new "love boat tours" the absence of the truth is frightening. Few, if any of us escape unscathed. Does this dress make me look fat? The check is in the mail. Trampling on the truth has become as common place as overpaid athletes and bad television.

I was speaking at a USA Hockey coach's clinic a few weeks ago and thought I was in the middle of a stimulating dissertation on building character. In midstream I was asked the question, "how does this pertain to mites and squirts?" As a father of five, I was a little perplexed by the question, knowing that character education starts a lot earlier than age six or seven.           

During my speech I related a story about an experience at a summer hockey camp. One Wednesday, third day of the camp, I told my group following their end-of-the-day scrimmage that "they didn't play very well today; in fact you pretty much stunk up the rink." I continued, "most of you have plenty of people telling you how good you are, but today I am telling you the truth, and the truth is you were bad. I expect more of you tomorrow & I am confident you will deliver." They heard the truth, not some half-hearted generic "good job today". They responded with a great final two days of camp.

Following my presentation I was handed an evaluation of my topic from the same person who raised the earlier question. Needless to say my point, regarding building character, had not registered with them. One of the comments I received was; "Kids don't need a coach focusing on what they've done wrong. Children don't react well to blunt honesty."

Maybe that is because they seldom hear it!

It was apparent to me that once I had finished my summer camp story, this person did not hear another word I said. They missed all the talk about attitude and how if you can improve somebody's attitude, (through positive reinforcement) you can improve their performance. Failed to hear the part about fun being the number one reason why kids play and it is your job as a coach to make it fun for them. Apparently they also glossed right over my belief that hollow praise that isn't earned is more detrimental than beneficial. Perhaps fell asleep as I talked about finding the silver lining when things go bad, because as a coach you have to expect problems & adversity.

I believe there is no substitute for the truth. We are so worried about patting everyone on the back that we reward mediocre effort and failure. No more offensive red pens in grade school for grading, trophies for everyone win, lose or draw and if 4 + 4 = 7, you tried

hard, so don't worry about it. While schools may be trying to get rid of winners & losers, real life has not.

Scientific evidence now supports the fact the undeserved "junk praise" is actually detrimental to our youth. In our quest to build self confidence, the truth has been cast aside like skinny neck ties and cassette tapes. Common sense has been buried by a liberal minority that mistakes change for progress. I am not lobbying for a return to dunce caps and sitting in the corner, but I am suggesting we could do a better job of demanding and telling the truth. As Bill Gates said, "The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something before you feel good about yourself."

How many parents today would say what Herb Brook's father said after the 1960 team won the gold medal? Referring to his son being the last player cut, the elder Brooks remarked, "I guess they made the right choice." Today the reaction could range anywhere from "the coach is an idiot", to physical threats, or the ever popular law suit. Few fathers would choose to be so honest with their son. It was that set-back in Brook's life that was a catalyst for his future success as a coach. Brooks was famous for telling his 1980 team, "we don't have enough talent, to win on talent alone," a truthful yet inspiring statement. It was always followed with the assurance that success would come through out-working their opponent.

In the movie Miracle, Herb Brooks chose the truth following a dismal showing by his team (2-2 tie) in an exhibition game in Norway. There were no white lies, no its ok we did our best, let's go get 'em tomorrow. There was truth and consequences. There was a message that their effort wasn't acceptable. What most people don't know about that real life story is that Team USA went out the next night and beat the same team they tied 2-2 the night before, 10-1. Brooks was accurate in his assessment that they had grossly underachieved. If he had he not taken his team to the woodshed of truth that night would they have realized their true potential?

The saying goes, the truth hurts. Sometimes it does, but it is that hurt that often drives us to do better and achieve more. The painful truth was again evident in Miracle as Herb Brooks tells Ralph Cox he won't be making the trip to Lake Placid. A fate Brooks had suffered through himself in 1960. Cox who was recently inducted into the Massachusetts Hockey Hall of Fame had this to say about his Olympic experience.

"It was painful when I didn't make the team," said Cox. "It was the first time in my life that I didn't make a team I tried out for. For the entire year before the Olympics, it was a wonderful experience barnstorming around the country playing with those guys. They are like family. We still get together every year. Even though I did not get to go to the Olympics, it was something that I wouldn't trade for anything." Ralph Cox survived the truth.

I am sure my friend from the clinic would be repeating her question right about now, what does this have to do with mites & squirts?" Adults who can handle the truth were once kids who had parents that cared enough to tell them the truth. I am a firm believer in the benefits of using positive feedback with athletes. The research to support it cannot be disputed. The truth that hurts can always be followed with the solution and a positive outlook on the future. In order to grow you need to hear the truth. Without it you never find out just who you are and where you stand.

Success and failure are equal partners in the growth of an individual or a team. They are dependent upon each other. Honesty builds character in both those who deliver it and those who receive it. When those who deliver it can be trusted, the truth is the furnace that forges character. And when the truth stings, we need to find that silver lining and the life lesson that will help us grow and develop. More often the truth feels great. Honest praise that is deserved, that is earned and that is sincere is motivating and exhilarating.

When faced with the choice, the truth has always been the right answer.

Thank you to Dakota Hockey Magazine for their permission to publish this article.